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My battle with Bulimia

By Fiona Byrne, The Sunday Mail, 24 April 2005

OLYMPIC gold medallist Daniel Kowalski has spoken for the first time about his long battle with the eating disorder bulimia.

The tough Queenslander, who retired from the pool in 2002, has revealed the psychological demands of competitive swimming, battles with chronic injury, rigorous training regimes and loneliness led to him developing the condition.

Kowalski said this week that he suffered in secret two periods of bulimia, from October 1994 to March 1995, and October 1997 to March 1999.

"The first time it happen I had just moved to Melbourne, I did not know anyone, it was the first time I really started to have serious shoulder problems and I was really lonely and depressed," he said.

"The second time was when I was living in Canberra. We had a coach at the Australian Institute of Sport who made us weigh in every day and he would make comments. That did not sit comfortably with me.

"I did not enjoy living in Canberra and I was still dealing with the disappointment of not winning in Atlanta."

He had been favourite for the 1500m.

"I would get up in the middle of the night, see a reflection of myself in a mirror and think I was fat and so go for a walk around Lake Ginninderra at 3am to try and lose weight.

"It was a really hard time, but because of the stigma that guys aren't bulimic I did not feel that I could talk to anyone about it. There was also the thing about not showing any weakness, of not giving your competitors an edge to use against you.

"It was only that I was competitive and knew that what I was doing was not healthy that I was able to stop."

Kowalski, 29, was one of Australia's finest distance swimmers during his long career, winning a gold, silver and two bronze Olympic medals.

His gold came as part of the 4x200m freestyle relay team at the Sydney 2000 Games.

He also won a swag of Commonwealth Games and world championship medals, as he competed alongside Kieren Perkins and then Grant Hackett in his pet 1500m freestyle event.

Now an athlete manager based in Melbourne with Grandslam International, Kowalski said he should have sought help.

"I was embarrassed more than anything," he said.

"I would feel guilty every time (he made himself ill). I knew it was wrong. I always said I would never do it again, but the way I was feeling just over-rode everything and I would do it again. It was a cycle."

Kowalski said that although he had put his battles with body image, stress and self-esteem behind him through the support of his family, friends and a sports psychologist, he believed the pressures he endured during his career were experienced by many athletes.

"Athletes lead a great lifestyle, but like everyone else they are human and they go through those moments when they feel like that (lonely, depressed or disappointed)," he said.

"But because they are supposed to be these tough people who are able to put their bodies through amazing stresses and deal with an amazing amount of pressure, and some might be earning ridiculous amounts of money, they don't feel they have a right to talk about it.

I should have talked about it, dealt with it and got help."

Kowalski said while working in sports management, he hoped he could pass his experiences on to athletes coming through the ranks.

Article originally located at The Sunday Mail